el oh el

guys i'm trying to be more normal kay

the street light's flickering

like a tongue

that can't stop licking.like

the cat that got the cream.

I had a dream that Epner and I were going to die.

and i told him about it and i talked for a long long time and out pops a human finger

holy frankincense and myrrh

i ate way too many pierogi at my Polish Christmas eve and i'm cramping like my dead cat's arthritis, i swear my intestines are going to burst and potatoes & dough will be everywhere..

BUT I SCORED THIS FRENCH LITTLE DARLING ! :

yesss~ and the head pops off.

Harry: Look here, Hermione. Even the textbook says you're to blow me now!

Hermione: Ohh..well yes, I suppose it does. Just let me brush my teeth first, I've just had a sausage.

Ron: Honestly. Hermy. I'm right here, pants off, easy access! What're you playing at?

love

tegan and sara

freakin amazing.

i say yes

disagree?

THEN I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

meet me on the corner.

its goin doooooowwwwn

da da do do

giggle like a lil bitch

so i was walking around the mall today

something i dont usually do.

but this freakin illegal and her 8 children were in the way.

so i resisted yelling something in spanish like EL GATO IN MIS PANTALONES! 

and just walked behind them. no big deal

then she laughs...

i dunno what she was laughing at

her child prob shit its pants and she thought i was funny, i dunno.

But all i could think was,

shit,

you giggle like a bitch...

yum

hey, Hanukkah fairy?

i'm busy spinning dreidels with my rabbi. Fuck off.

I'm not really a rabbi, i just want hair styling tips from this motherfucker.

I am happy for beautiful things like this:

I just jizzed.

I got an email ffrom* CSU Monterey that told me they are "cheap but not easy."
Which, ironically enough, is the reputation I am striving for in the prostitution industry.

And though that may seem contradictory, its not, and I recommend spending a night working a corner** to broaden your perspective.


*I realize that I made this typo, but after fixing it I decided to restore it to its original misspelled state to display one of my many common flaws.
**NOT MY CORNER. FIND A DIFFERENT FUCKING CORNER.***
***(not that you'd make money anyway....with me as your competition.)

happy wanking :)

BITCH BE MY CUM DUMPSTER

hey ashley...

pete is cheating on you...

with ryan.

were you aware that he was a lesbian before you got married?

I am going to make fake accounts to boost my follower count.

Andrew I think you should post more. And before you flip your lid about me using your name, deflate your ego, homeskillet, there's more than one Andrew in the world.

I would just like to apologize in advance...

but I really really need good karma so i might have to hug you* tomorrow.

*=fucking everyone

Also I would like to compliment anyone who has a cock.

They made my life into a movie.

Memo: I am planning to major in Emo. So if you know anyone with a high emo saturation, please refer them to me for study.

Sort of like this but I mean like a real person.

you make my peepee hard

Hi my name is Garbage, and I am addicted to interracial sex.

;)

sorry but i'm more into black guys

okay hold on
**h3y bbY gUrL**

"Delicious!"

...

Stop it,Guy, seriously..

I put bodies in motion, keep this skin out in the open. Liars turn me on.

Bedspread bandit since '89

THE MOTHERFUCKING SKUNKS UNDER MY HOUSE ARE STILL LEAKING

VENOM ALL OVER MY BACKUP PORN

"Don't worry, me and my boyfriend will make new porn. "

"Delicious ;)"

"...stop being such a perv "

Hello?

I never have days when all I want to drink is coffee but I have days when all I want to vomit up is baby lamb. I am in the Bible you have to look hard. Just because I said hard doesn't mean "she" did. Shut your piehole, idiot.

This is my lesbian crush.

THERE ARE DEAD PEOPLE UNDER MY HOUSE

AND THEY SMELL LIKE MOTHERFUCKING SKUNKS

this picture is so hot.

"you come at awkward times"

MOTHER OF GOD I ALMOST POSTED A SERIOUS PERSONAL BLOG.

/SAVE/

wonder off wee chinaman

Here we see the timeline of Mike Carden Monday and the recovery process.
Happy Mike Carden Monday

How do you like my jacket?

Very Nice. ;) [RECOVER RECOVER RECOVER]

And so..

I forgot about making my last post.

so when i saw it i thought someone hacked into my blog.

then i was like oh em gee a talking baby is going to steal my identity.

but then i thought about it, and honestly, jack, no one could handle it.

Too many particles.

It is raining.

And I still couldn't figure out the scanner. Wanker.

Top 3 thoughts in my brain right now:

1. Going to fail my stats test, dnw but I don't quite care.
2. There was no toilet paper in the stall I just used.
3. Few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat gonna stay like that cause I ain't yo hollaback boy

PENIS JUICE/////

I BOUGHT A BRA ONLINE AND ORDERED THE WRONG SIZE
~0Mg mY l1f3 sUxx!1!1!!!!1!!

In other news...

I found this up my arse. ??/???????? i love exploring !

so that's where i left it...

There is something wrong with me.

Serious, though.

And I just realized that.
Try me.

I can't scan.

=BIG FAIL IN ASIAN STATUS

I hope before the night is through, one fumbled touch will finally hit the spot.

if i had a real penis, it would be hard right now.

I'm more of a strap on kind of girl..

Stand by for something that will serve your definition of "creepy" a huge platter of HOLY MOTHER OF GOD*.




*or BUDDHA, your choice.

I just posted.

Nothing showed up. Bloody eff.

Is it illegal to post pictures of people without their permission?

"It's like a mutual fund, just a bunch of stocks"
"hello"
"are you talking to me?"
"yes" (THAT WAS AN ANSWER TO A QUESTION I AM BLOGGING MY THOUGHTS AND MOTHERFUCKINGEVERYTHING I HEAR)

"you're frowning. make it go down."
"like a clown thing."

"SUPA intense" (this is a lie. BRAINWASH BRAINWASH BRAINWASH)

Last night I swirled my brain like a pilot.
Shaken and frail it was the hardest thing to swallow.
I forgot my pills today, must resort to pot. Tolerance is key.

; ow`!/.ehfr;qo48t5vehjwfqhiROhfi^#vdwiy )

T-Tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef, That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin' scared of him

vanilla ice ice babyHOT HOT HEAT SO FRESH

I love when it is so cold that my pee burns in comparison, and pretty men like this appear out of the fog.

Ahoy.

MY CAT PISSED IN MY CLOSET !



BITCH RUINED ALL MY PORN

Let's play "Army."

I'll lay down, and you can blow me up.

LIL BITCHES

KARMA IS BITCH

AND I PRAY TO GOD SHE'll RAPE YOU

but first you'll have to suck her cock.

STD's

besides over half of the cheerleading team

who else at granite bay has STD's?

PEER PRESSURE PREVENTION

me: I am dizzy. I will not take these pills.

Crack Whore me: Take the pills. They are good.

me: Those are bad for you. Go shoot up instead.

Crack Whore me: Everyone is doing it. Do not be a loser.
me: Aw, shucks.

wut?

Never you mind, honeydip.

EXPECTO. PATRONUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!1!11!!!!!!!

Today I asked God why asians are so small.

He said "for the same reason I wear togas when i bask in the glow of a pregnant broad."

I check my own blog for new posts.

this is kind of like talking to myself.

This is my craft.

"

I like to play Same Blood, because you like Same Blood (""i love same blood""), so when I play it, ("""we are the same blood all of us we are""") I think of you the whole time. (""""yeah we is. While half of us are dope, the other half is broke"""")

"

Push pins remind me of The Breakfast Club.

Michael Guy Chislett

The Aussie at his best.

I finished.

Swallow.